To believe in One God

To believe in One God,
I
am
a
40
year
old
female
widow,
that
lives
in the USA, Ohio. As a kid my
Mom raised us to believe in One
God, but we were not Muslim.
We did not eat pork, but we
were not Jews. My mother has
since passed, but her teachings
stuck with me. We went to
church, but my Mom always said
pray to God only. She was a big
reader of the Holy Bible, Old
testament, and use to tell us as
kids, that man has tampered
with it, but God has put his clues
here and there for his people. I
don't know where she got all
her thinking, but I'm glad she
had it. I went to Baptize schools,
where they would say my sister
and I were products of a sin.
(we were biracial, my Mom is
black, and my dad white).
So as you could see I did not
think they had the right religion.
I can remember praying as a
child, asking God why I cannot
believe in Jesus as God? But for
some reason I could never.
I stopped going to church for a
long time after school. I went
back as an adult in my early 30s.
I even joined a church, but I
always prayed to God, saying,
that I just wanted a place to
worship him. So every time I
went to church I had to say this
prayer to God, to let him know I
was only praying to him, not
Jesus. (It's funny now, that I
know more about Islam.)
I did eventually go to a Mosque
to study, but the men Muslims I
worked with, and knew, would
brag how many wives they
could have. That just turned me
off. And when I went I did not
feel very comfortable because
of all the nationalities that
seemed to have clicks, and the
only Muslims I knew at the time
were men. So I only went to a
few classes. I stopped going. I
look back on this, and say going
to the Mosque is not user
friendly:o)
You cannot just walk off the
street, you have to know things,
(how to dress, and why the
prayers are in a different
language than your own) or you
will really feel like you don't fit
in. I could never really get into
the church thing either. But I
wanted to be close to God.
I became a foster parent when I
turned 35, (we, in the USA, have
a lot of black older children in
foster care, and up for
adoption). So I became a foster
parent. I had 2 kids, that ended
up staying with me for 5 years,
and came up for adoption, and
because I knew they would just
stay in the system, and be
moved from home to home, I
adopted them, 2 years ago. They
are now 13, and 12. Right
before the adoption, I got
married, and my husband was
going to adopted them with me,
even though I had them before
he came in my life. He was a
very good man. He died 10
weeks after we got married, a
heart attack in bed.
Everything went down hill from
there. The kids with their back
ground, losing their family,
through foster care, and now
losing what was the closest
thing to a dad that they knew,
went off the deep end. And I did
too. It was a bad time for us. I
began to drink wine at night to
sleep, and I began to drink
more. I desperately need God in
my life, but with the drinking, I
thought I would not be clean
enough to even ask God for
help. I did go through with the
adoption, and then I got some
help for the drinking. I had a
real hard time not wanting to
drink, until this 1 prayer I
prayed, I remember this prayer!
It was this past year. I
remember telling my kids, that
they would not make 1/2 the
mistakes in life they would
make, if they just listen to their
mother. Then I thought about
that when I said my prayers that
night, I would not make 1/2 the
mistakes I made if I gave my
will over to God. And let God run
my life.
I prayed that night to God, and I
told him, I don't care if I never
have a husband again, I don't
care what material things I have
in this world, I just want you in
my life, and your Will not mine. I
had said prayers like that
before, but this time I really
meant it. I did not care about
anything on this earth at that
time, but God.
Since that prayer I have not
wanted a drink since.
Then came a friend I knew a
long time, he had been checking
on me about once a month since
my husband had died, he knew
us both before. He asked me if I
would be interested in learning
about Islam. I told him how I
felt before when I studied that
short time, but I would read the
Quran. I read the Quran, and
then I took my Shahadah!
Thank God Almighty, I am a
Muslim. I have only been a
Muslim since July 19th 2002, but
I can say this, it is the most
peaceful I have ever felt in my
life! I know I have a lot to learn,
but what I can say, is I have a
place to worship the One and
Only True God, Allah. This is my
story, Praises be to Allah! I
cannot Praise God enough! God
is Great!